The Biggest Enemy
of the Home
2nd
Timothy 3:1,2
Sept 29, 2013 AM
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
I.
Introduction (2nd
Timothy 3:1,2)
A.
For the past few months, I have
read, and studied countless articles and books on the home and marriage problems
B.
I have watched as the list of
problems in homes these days grow, and grow, to the size of a telephone book!
C.
It makes it very hard to figure
how to help! It seems that the devil has been so good at destroying the family,
the one solid foundation of any society, that now, when anyone even wants to TRY
and help people, there are so many problems in people’s lives that no one can
make sense of the course to take
D.
Well, there is one BIG primary
problem that seems to be in every family problem ever experienced. It is THE one
constant in every problem…
E.
Self!
1.
Where men love only themselves –
love only others that are just like them!
2.
Where women are only worried
about being loved, or give up when they are not loved
3.
Children only seeking attention
and are spoiled brats!
4.
Yep. Self is at the centre of
every deep family problem!
F.
‘Self’ makes Marriage very hard!
1.
Marriage is not a fairytale, only
written about in books and magazines
2.
Marriage is the forging of two
SELFISH BEINGS into ONE BODY, by yielding up personal rights, and needs for the
greater reward experienced only as a FAMILY!
3.
But until SELF has learned to
take second and third place, a family only struggles against itself instead of
ministers to itself in love!
4.
Listen to Eph 4:15,16
“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things,
which is the head, even Christ:
From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every
joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every
part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.”
5.
A
G.
Let’s see if we can squash self
and save some homes this morning!
II.
Background
A.
Definition of Selfishness
1.
"A supreme self-love or
self-preference which leads a person to mainly live for the advancement of his
own interest, his own power, and his own happiness, without regarding those of
others around him."
2.
Do you know anybody like that?
3.
Don’t look around… look in the
mirror!
B.
Our language has hundreds
of words and concepts that have SELF in them:
1.
self-absorption
2.
self-acceptance
3.
self-aware
4.
self-conceit
5.
self-confidence
6.
self-conscious
7.
self-control
8.
self-defense
9.
self-delusion
10.
self-deprecating
11.
self-destruction
12.
self-doubt
13.
self-esteem
14.
self-fulfilling
15.
self-image
16.
self-important
17.
self-interest
18.
self-love
19.
self-pity
20.
self-portrait
21.
self-preservation
22.
self-reliant
23.
self-respect
24.
self-righteous
25.
self-sacrifice
26.
self-styled
27.
self-sufficient
28.
self-talk
29.
self-taught
30.
self-will
31.
self-worth
32.
Someone wrote on a bathroom wall,
“I love myself, that’s all that matters!” Ugh, not really! That is a poor
substitute for loving God and loving others! Believe me!
C.
What does Selfishness look
like?
1.
Alone! As Only Loving Self. "For
men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous." 2 Tim. 3:2.
2.
Addicted to Pleasures! As Loving
Pleasure more than loving God (2Tim 3:4).
a.
Constantly having to have a new
toy
b.
Needing to go shopping
c.
Playing X-Box games
d.
Watching the latest videos and
movies
e.
Having to be out clubbing and
drinking
3.
Neglecting People! Pleasing only
Ourselves. "We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the
weak, and not to please ourselves." Rom. 15:1. Never allowing ourselves to
EVER be unhappy, or bored! You know what? It is perfectly fine to just be a
blessing to other people! You will usually get the bigger blessing!
4.
Greedy! As Seeking after Gain. "Yea,
they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that
cannot understand: they all look to their own way, everyone for his gain, from
his quarter." Isaiah 56:11.
5.
Looking for Attention! As Seeking
Undue Praise. Mark 10:35-37 “And
James and John, the sons of Zebedee, come unto him, saying, Master, we would
that thou shouldest do for us whatsoever we shall desire. And he said unto them,
What would ye that I should do for you? They said unto him, Grant unto us that
we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory.”
6.
Never happy. Unthankful. Easily
angry. Frustrated.
D.
Selfishness is Inconsistent
with Biblical Christianity! (1Cor 12:25,26; 13:4,5)
1.
"That there should be no
schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for
another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one
member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it." 1 Cor 12:25-26.
2.
It is contrary to Christian
charity, or love.
3.
"Charity suffereth long, and
is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil." 1 Cor 13:4-5.
E.
How Did We Get This Way?
1.
Popular books and movies
consistently promote the need to "find oneself" and to "be yourself."
Proverbs 18:2 “A fool
hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.”
2.
In the 1970s, people wanted to
improve their children’s chances in life, so the “self-esteem” movement was
born.
a.
We were told that all of the
social ills of the day were due to low self-esteem, and that we all needed to
learn to love ourselves more.
b.
As one expert said, “The problem
is that when people tried to boost self-esteem, they boosted narcissism
(self-love) instead. All that self-esteem leads them to be disappointed when the
world refuses to affirm how great they know they are.”
3.
It all started in the Garden of
Eden, and we have not moved on from there!
a.
Eve was convinced that she wasn’t
thinking enough about HER own needs
b.
Adam decided that His needs for
Eve were more important than God’s need for Adam!
4.
So, we enter into our marriages
saying things like: “What’s in it for me?” and “What about my needs?” This leads
to such daft statements as “I’m no longer happy in this marriage,” and “I need
to find myself!”
F.
The Bible is FULL of Examples
of Selfishness – imbalanced attention upon on yourself, and your needs, and
your unhappiness, and your problems!
1.
MOST of the Bible up until Jesus
Christ is about selfish people!
2.
3.
Ahab and Nabaoth (1Kg 21) –
Jezebel MURDERED Nabaoth because her wimpy husband, king Ahab just couldn’t be
happy unless he owned Nabaoth’s vineyard!
4.
Even the apostles James and John
(Mark 10:35-37)! They were obsessed with sitting right up next to Jesus in His
future kingdom!
G.
What are you doing that
feeds your own selfishness?
1.
Holding onto grudges? Stop it!
God didn’t give you that attitude!
2.
Seeking constant worldly
entertainment and empty pleasures? Start examining your heart!
3.
Drowning out the guilt and shame
of neglecting the people around you? Time to change!
4.
Seeking revenge for hurts caused?
5.
Finding faults in everyone else
so that you don’t have to deal with the bigger ones in your own life!
6.
Ignoring your own faults? Only
seeing OTHERS as your problem – becomes ‘blame addiction’ – people having a
hyper-critical attitude about everyone and everything!
H.
Now, There is a good
reason God designed us to be somewhat selfish
1.
God designed us to think about
ourselves (Philp 2:4).
a.
Or else we would starve
b.
Or else there would be no
ambition
c.
None of us would do anything
unless we were commanded by a dictator
d.
And no one would ever get born
again – we would just go with the flow and end up in hell!
2.
If we had no concern about
ourselves!
3.
No. God made you with a concern
about your self – especially about your soul
4.
But to be MAINLY concerned
with yourself, is destructive to any home!
I.
The High Cost of
Selfishness - The Fruits of Selfishness
1.
The growing spiritual darkness in
our culture is because Christians are selfish!
2.
The loss of everything priceless
and precious – both now, and more so in the future!
a.
Sex before marriage is not
selfless, it is SELFISH and ONLY SELF-SERVING! It is a time-bomb for the later
destruction of your home!
b.
Pornography – ONLY SELF-SERVING!
Nothing good about it!
c.
Loss of virginity – throwing away
a priceless gift you could have given to your future spouse, and as a great
testimony to your children one day!
3.
People don’t care if this church
thrives, or dies! Only want to feel better about themselves – get a quick fix.
And if they don’t get it, they go elsewhere!
4.
People don’t care about justice
and righteousness in our government or culture today – only about personal
rights and being happy! This generation will be rioting in the streets in the
next decade if they don’t get converted!
5.
There is a HIGH PRICE to pay, all
because of a lack of Christian efforts to sacrifice our own goals for the will
of God (Philp 2:21)
III.
Message – Seven Weapons
That Destroy Selfishness
A.
Another Heart (Titus
3:3-6) – There is No Way to be Different, Without a New Heart
1.
Everyone wants to start over
2.
But we are still selfish until
SELF has a competitor – Christ!
3.
And unless WE change, we will
continue to experience the same failures, angers, frustrations, and disasters
that brought us to the place of ruin
4.
We need new hearts – born again!
That is the POWER of God’s forgiveness!
a.
To create a new heart, soft and
humble
b.
And to soften hardened hearts
again, that once were humble
5.
Once we HAVE a new heart, we need
to use THAT new heart, instead of the old ones we are so used to yielding to
B.
A Greater Love (2Cor
5:14,15)!!!
1.
What could be better than we
loving ourselves?
2.
Christ loving us!
C.
A Better Focus – To Please
God (1st Thes 4:1;
1.
Why do people get married?
a.
At first, people get married
because it is a good thing, and is pleasing to both of US – that how many
marriages START!
b.
But, mature couples learn to
please each other – get more pleasure out of ministering to the other person!
c.
And, in the long run, Strong,
enduring couples learn to please Christ best of all in their home!
2.
Pleasing GOD is supposed to be
our focus in all areas of life:
D.
It Takes A Better Example
– Jesus (Philp 2:1-8). Follow THAT example! Not the example of our modern
culture!
E.
Do Whatever is Necessary to
Please Others. It Takes A Lot More Effort to Please Others
1.
To Forgive as Christ did –
completely and absolutely (Eph 4:32)
2.
To Love as Christ loved – not as
you are used to loving (Eph 5:2)
3.
To Submit to one another’s needs
(Eph 5:33)
4.
To Serve each other like Jesus
did (Mt 20:26,27) – washed their feet. Met people’s needs, asking nothing in
return!
F.
Ultimately The Sacrifice
of Self (1 Cor 10:33)
1.
SELF demands our highest price,
and what do we get out of it? Nothing!
2.
Don’t sacrifice anything for
self. Instead, sacrifice yourself for the Lord, and you will be blessed!
3.
The Bible calls it Denying
yourself (Mt 16:24) – deny it first place! Quit griping, and grumbling and
getting angry at everyone because they are not noticing you, or understanding
you, or appreciating you!
4.
It may mean Losing your life –
your family is worth it! Be a living sacrifice, but always be ready to give of
your life for your mate
5.
"Even as I please all men in
all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may
be saved." 1 Cor 10:33.
G.
It Needs A Bigger Fear
(Jude 1:11-13)
1.
Notice the greed … for reward
2.
Selfish people are “spots in your
feasts of charity … feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without
water, carried about of winds”
3.
They will wither one day
4.
They are “twice dead” plucked up
by the roots
5.
They are raging waves of the sea,
foaming out their own shame
6.
They are compared to “wandering
stars” that never settle
7.
And worst of all, “the blackness
of darkness for ever” is reserved for them!
8.
Is that how you want to end up?
9.
Is that how you want to be known?
10.
We all start off selfish in this
life!
11.
You need to fear ending up
selfish! It will cost you eternity!
IV.
Conclusion
A.
‘Self’ makes Marriage very hard!
B.
What does a selfish life look
like?
1.
Alone!
2.
Addicted to Pleasures!
3.
Neglecting People!
4.
Greedy!
5.
Looking for Attention!
6.
Never happy. Unthankful. Easily
angry. Frustrated.
C.
Do you know anybody in your home
that is “selfish”? You probably do!
D.
Don’t look around… look in the
mirror!
E.
Selfishness is Inconsistent with
Biblical Christianity!
F.
The High Cost of Selfishness -
The Fruits of Selfishness
1.
The growing spiritual darkness in
our culture is because Christians are selfish!
2.
The loss of everything priceless
and precious – both now, and more so in the future!
3.
People don’t care if this church
thrives, or dies! Only want to feel better about themselves – get a quick fix.
And if they don’t get it, they go elsewhere!
4.
People don’t care about justice
and righteousness in our government or culture today – only about personal
rights and being happy! This generation will be rioting in the streets in the
next decade if they don’t get converted!
5.
There is a HIGH PRICE to pay, all
because of a lack of Christian efforts to sacrifice our own goals for the will
of God (Philp 2:21)
G.
Can a home, a marriage, a
child-parent relationship actually be saved from the ruin of selfishness?
H.
Yes!
1.
With Another Heart – you
must be born again to get that new heart!
2.
By Receiving A Greater
Love – the love of Christ, not of
3.
By Having A Better Focus –
To Please God, instead of yourself
4.
By Following A Better
Example – Jesus
5.
By Putting Out Whatever
Effort is Necessary to Please Others
6.
Which May Mean Even The
Sacrifice of Self
7.
But it is Because We All Have
A Bigger Fear