The Miracle of Marriage
How to Enjoy the Miracle of Marriage
Matthew 19:4-6
6 Feb, 2011
AM
Pastor Craig
Ledbetter
I.
Introduction (Matthew 19:4-6)
A.
Marriage is
a miracle! Seriously!
1.
When we talk about
marriage, we are talking about something miraculous!
a.
A man and a woman
coming together and becoming one person, no longer two – that’s a marriage
b.
A man and a woman
coming together and loving each other more and more with time – not less and
less – that’s a marriage – and it’s a miracle!
c.
That two very
different people becoming extreme givers of themselves – that’s a marriage – and
it’s a miracle!
d.
That two very
different people complimenting and changing each other over time for the better
– that’s a marriage – and it’s a miracle!
e.
Two very different
people not only getting married but staying married, for LIFE – that’s a
marriage – and it’s always a miracle!
2.
It’s a miracle that
such a thing called Marriage could actually work and keep working!
B.
A Marriage
is made up of two very different people…
1.
You are Two
different sexes (male and female)
2.
You come from Two
different families
3.
You have each
experienced Two different cultures growing up
4.
You each have Two
different expectations about each other and about life
5.
You have Two
different sets of emotions and feelings
6.
You naturally have
Two different ways of thinking about things
7.
Two different ways
of reacting to things (one cries, and the other yells)
8.
Two different views
on things
9.
Two different goals
in life
10.
Two very selfish
natures – for a while you may be giving, but we seem to always return to our
selfish nature
11.
Two sets of past
hurts and pains that get multiplied when mixed with another person
12.
Two different
memories of events – they are never the same
13.
Two different levels
of maturity
C.
The two of
you are not the same! Thank God too! You would not
be able to live with yourself!!!
D.
Human
marriage is incredibly designed by a loving and very wise God
1.
Marriage is not
fake!
a.
Television actors
make sex and guy/girl relationships look so easy and fun and uncomplicated, but
it is all a lie!
2.
Marriage is not
“natural”
a.
They portray guys
and girls as only animals finding their own way through life!
b.
But, the animal
kingdom does not have marriage – one mate for life except with some: Beavers,
Bald eagles, Salamanders, small Gibbon monkeys, a few mice in
c.
In the rest of the
animal kingdom, it’s a free for all – and only the fittest survive
3.
With humans,
marriage is different
a.
Marriage is not an
animalistic instinct
b.
GOD made you male or
female
c.
GOD joined you or is
working towards joining you together as one
d.
Marriage is not
earthly, but from heaven
e.
It is a picture of
God’s love for us, and Christ’s relationship with a believer!
E.
Human
marriage has absolutely everything imaginable working against it!
It has the fiercest of enemies!
1.
There is a spirit in the world today that is directly against Biblical marriage
(1Tim 4:1-3)!
2.
Satan
himself is dead set against marriage – hates
EVERYTHING that God created good! He has his own way of running things –
twisting what is good:
a.
Living together –
“this is my partner” instead of your wife or husband!
b.
Constant mental
adultery and fornication (2Peter 2:14)
c.
Having as many
sexual partners as possible – thinking they are having fun
d.
And so people today
end up:
1)
Abused
2)
Sterile from
sexually transmitted disease
3)
In abortion clinics
in
4)
With what they think
are unwanted babies
5)
Absolutely UNHAPPY
because of the complications that children, and responsibilities and sin brings!
3.
Your
flesh is against marriage! It doesn’t like
being tied down! Man’s natural tendency, no matter how moral, or determined you
are, is to fall away from your mate, to look away, turn away, fall apart, and to
let your relationship die! That’s why there used to be LAWS defining boundaries
and punishments for stepping out of marriage!
4.
Society
is against marriage! At least the commitment
to it! There is less and less support anywhere in our modern society, even from
extended family
5.
Entertainment is against marriage! There is a
constant portrayal of adultery and “fun” physical based relationships without
any commitment on TV and in movies – fewer and fewer happily ever after fairy
tales
6.
No wonder marriages
are not working!
F.
What God had
designed to be a fairy tale marriage in the Garden of Eden, turned into a
disaster, and it repeats itself over and over in almost every home!
G.
So, in order for
marriages to survive, God attempts to blend in among the two, flawed, sinful,
self-centred people, a THIRD Person – The Lord Jesus! Eccl 4:9-12. HE can
make marriage a miracle!
II.
Message
- Making Marriage a Miracle
A.
The
Bible’s Truth About Marriage – What is Marriage?
1.
Marriage
is GOD’S Business
a.
Just like salvation
is, forgiveness
b.
So is your home –
that’s what God does best!
c.
God loves marriage
d.
He says A wife is a
good thing
e.
He says A husband is
a blessing
2.
God
joined you two (Mt 19:4-6)
a.
It doesn’t matter
how you two came together… some of you came together for the wrong reasons and
had no idea what you were getting into
b.
Yet, here you are!
c.
Examples
1)
Brought Adam and Eve
together, miraculously – they stayed married 930 years! Now THAT is a true world
record! It lasted so long because of a Lamb, and them wearing its skins for the
rest of their lives!!! Never getting over the forgiveness they experienced that
day, their last day in the Garden!
2)
Kept Noah and his
wife married, even through the year long flood
3)
Kept Abraham and
Sarah married against all odds
4)
Brought Isaac and
Rebekah together and kept them married in spite of all their differences and
problems – and boy did they have problems
5)
Brought Boaz and
Ruth together in one of the most amazing pictures of Jesus Christ and His
foreign bride, the Church!
6)
Brought Hosea and
Gomer together and kept them together in spite of her adulteries, and his
natural rejection of her!
7)
Brought Joseph and
Mary together and kept them together in spite of the struggle with the reality
of a virgin pregnancy!
3.
God
commands you to stay together! “Let not man
put asunder” (split up)!
4.
And not just stay
together, but be heirs together (1Pet 3:7)
5.
God
helps you in the marriage! Whether you believe
it or not, God actually helps you two now, not just one of you, when you seek to
stay together, His way!
B.
The Worst
Enemy of Marriage. Our main focus this morning!
1.
Now, I have
said already that Human marriage has absolutely everything imaginable working
against it! It has the fiercest of enemies! And I
listed FIVE of them!
2.
But there
is ONE enemy that is worse than all those combined!
More destructive and more damaging than a category five hurricane!
3.
God says the
greatest enemy against your home, is HARD-HEARTEDNESS
4.
It is not lying,
adultery, drugs, drink, friends, no!
a.
What was the ruin of
the greatest king of
b.
What was the ruin of
the last king of
c.
No one has ever
hardened himself against God and prospered (Job 9:4)
d.
What caused the
Israelites to have to wander in the wilderness until they died off when they
could have walked directly into their Promised Land? Hard hearts (Heb 3:8,9)
e.
What caused the
humiliation of the greatest king of
f.
Why does divorce
even occur? Because of HARD HEARTS (Mt 19:7,8)
g.
Why don’t people
normally, easily trust and believe on Jesus Christ for forgiveness and
salvation? Because of HARD HEARTS (Mark 3:1-5)
h.
Why don’t Christians
trust God easily for the impossible and for the tough times? Because of their
hard hearts (Mark 6:41-52)
i.
Why does it take so
long for most Christians to mature and grow up spiritually? Because of hardness
of hearts (Mark 8:13-17)
j.
Why is it that no
matter what Jesus does in people’s lives, even the apostle’s, they still
struggle with unbelief? Because of hard hearts (Mk 16:9-14)
5.
Definition of a hard
heart
a.
Cold,
insensitive, unfeeling, and unyielding. If you’re
honest with yourself, you’ll have to agree that there are certain areas of your
life where you have a hard heart toward God. Especially your mate!
b.
God made us so that
we can harden our hearts towards unwanted influences. It was meant to be a
positive thing, but for most people, what God meant for good has actually worked
against us. We become cold are hard towards the very ones we used to love and
cherish!
c.
We so often see a
cold, insensitive, unfeeling and unyielding heart in others, but we must check
ourselves.
6.
Causes of a hard
heart – Two Causes
a.
Sin will harden it –
that’s obvious (Heb 3:13)
1)
Every time you
disobey God, and do your own thing, and seek your own will, your heart gets
harder and harder – and not just towards God, but towards the very people you
love and the very life you are so desperately seeking
2)
Most of the hard
hearts in this room are from all the secret sins that have been done by us, all
the wicked movies, all the rebellious attitudes, all the stubborn refusals to
yield
3)
No wonder our
generation is the hardest against God and against each other!
4)
But there is a
second reason for hard hearts – more subtle, and not so easily admitted
b.
Preoccupation with
anything other than God
1)
When you spend so
much time on natural things, that you don’t have any time for spiritual things
2)
Whatever you
neglect, your heart will become hard towards it
3)
Satan will seek to
get you preoccupied with your children, your problems, your feelings, your
“rights”, your financial needs, your health needs, your friend’s approval, your
hobbies, your entertainment, and you will just naturally grow cold, indifferent,
unfeeling, and unyielding towards God
4)
By neglect you will
become hard towards God
5)
The same is true in
your marriage
a)
Satan will get you
all wrapped up in what she said, what he did, what he meant, what she didn’t do
b)
That you grow cold
towards that person, and hot towards your anger! You become in love with your
anger!
6)
Whatever you focus
on, your heart will grow softer to!
7.
The dangers of a
hard heart
a.
It only grows colder
and deader – it never just corrects itself
b.
It is the source of
all the sins in your life
c.
It will be judged by
God, worse than all the sins you commit (Rom 2:5)
C.
Making a
Miracle Marriage – the Cures of a Cold Marriage
1.
A miracle marriage
is not one that is easy to have! It is the fixing of the impossible ones that
are miracle marriages!!!
2.
Let’s do things
God’s way, not the easy way. The easy way is to just go with the emotions, and
just grow colder, and harder, and deader towards each other!
3.
Four by Four Fix -
four easy steps, once you do the four hard steps!
a.
Easy Step! Agree
with God if you have a hard heart – towards anybody
1)
Don’t try and kid
me!
2)
There is not a
person in here who does not struggle with hardness of heart
3)
That doesn’t mean
that you HATE someone, but that you just don’t CARE about them!
4)
That doesn’t mean
that you think poisonous thoughts about someone, but that you have no good
thoughts about them!
5)
And even though you
may not be HATING someone right now, if you don’t soften your heart, it will
only get harder, and you WILL hate them ultimately
b.
Easy Step! Yield to
God, and be willing to obey His Instructions in His word – to do whatever it
takes!
1)
There will be no
change in your life and especially your heart until you stop blocking God’s work
in your heart! Decide to allow God to do the hard things in your life!
2)
Stop fighting God.
You see, every time you are fighting your mate, or your parents, or your boss,
you are actually fighting God since HE put you all together
3)
Become a doer of
God’s word FOR your home
4)
Only by obeying
God’s instructions will your marriage be saved, and your home be changed!
c.
Fairly easy step!
Fast and pray for God to do a miracle in your heart! NOT in your mate’s heart
(Ezek 36:26).
1)
Start this evening,
don’t eat, just close your bedroom door while everyone is busy doing other
things, and pray and beg God to soften YOUR heart, to change YOUR heart first
towards HIM, and then towards your mate, or even your worst enemy!
2)
Do it again tomorrow
morning, and then at every meal time
3)
Wait for God to
start to soften that cold hard heart of yours
4)
When tears flow,
when “I’m sorry” comes easy, when heart aches return and sorrow for being such a
rebel overwhelm you, then you can rejoice that softness has returned
d.
Hard Step! Tear down
your hard heart
1)
As God begins to
change your heart, you need to start demolishing it and taking it away to the
rubbish dump! Don’t just want God to patch up your heart, tear it down so a
whole new heart can be put in it’s place!
2)
Some things when
they have become broken may be repaired; but the heart of mankind is so
thoroughly ruined that it must be pulled down even to its foundation (like a
derelict house), and a new house must be erected. To attempt mere improvement is
to experience only certain failure sometime later in the future. A man’s or a
woman’s heart is like an old garment that is ripped and rotten; if any of us try
and mend it with new cloth, all we do is make the rent worse, Jesus says.
3)
So, Do absolutely
everything possible to humble YOURSELF (James 4:6,10), because until you do, God
is against you, and humbling YOU!
a)
Thank God for your
mate, no matter how much of a mess he or she may be – thank God for your future
mate
b)
Praise your mate –
yes you may need to correct the, and rebuke them, but do more praising than
slamming!
c)
Bless your mate –
serve them
d)
Pray for your mate.
Pray FOR their needs, and for their softness not towards YOU and your needs, but
towards GOD
4)
Those four things,
if you would be man or women enough to do, would allow God to rebuild your
relationship – stronger, better, longer lasting than it ever could otherwise!
e.
Last Step is an Easy
Step! Finally, Cling to your mate.
1)
Hold their hand
2)
Sit next to them
3)
Just be with them
4)
That’s what you
started doing when you first got married,
5)
And you need to
still keep it up!
6)
Do not let the devil
come along and trick you into thinking you don’t need your other half anymore,
and that you will do better without them and their hurt!
7)
This step will be so
easy without your hard heart getting in the way!
III.
Conclusion
A.
Marriage is
a miracle!
1.
When we talk about
marriage, we are talking about something miraculous! It’s a miracle that
such a thing called Marriage could actually work and keep working!
2.
A Marriage
is made up of two very different people
a.
The two of you are
not the same! Thank God for that fact!
3.
It was
incredibly designed by a loving and very wise God
a.
It is not “natural”
– it is not earthly, it is of heaven!
4.
It has
absolutely everything imaginable working against it!
5.
So, in order for it
to survive, God attempts to blend in among the two, flawed, sinful, self-centred
people, a THIRD Person – The Lord Jesus! Eccl 4:9-12. HE can make marriage a
miracle!
B.
We have
focused our attention this morning on The Worst Enemy of Marriage.
1.
What is it?
2.
A Hard Heart!
3.
What is the
Definition of a hard heart?
a.
Cold,
insensitive, unfeeling, and unyielding.
b.
If you’re honest
with yourself, you’ll have to agree that there are certain areas of your life
where you have a hard heart toward God. Especially your mate!
4.
What are the Two
Causes of a hard heart?
a.
Sin will harden it –
that’s obvious (Heb 3:13)
b.
Preoccupation with
anything other than God
5.
What are the dangers
of a hard heart?
a.
It only grows colder
and deader – it never just corrects itself
b.
It is the source of
all the sins in your life
c.
It will be judged by
God, worse than all the sins you commit (Rom 2:5)
C.
Is there a
Cure? Yes
1.
Every Marriage Can
be Fixed! But it has got to be God’s way, not the easy way.
2.
Four by Four Fix -
four easy steps, and four hard steps!
a.
Easy Step! Agree
with God if you have a hard heart – towards anybody
b.
Easy Step! Yield to
God, and be willing to obey His Instructions in His word – to do whatever it
takes!
c.
Fairly easy step!
Fast and pray for God to do a miracle in your heart! NOT in your mate’s heart
(Ezek 36:26).
d.
Hard Step! Tear down
your hard heart
1)
So, Do absolutely
everything possible to humble YOURSELF (James 4:6,10), because until you do, God
is against you, and humbling YOU!
a)
Thank God for your
mate, no matter how much of a mess he or she may be – thank God for your future
mate
b)
Praise your mate –
yes you may need to correct the, and rebuke them, but do more praising than
slamming!
c)
Bless your mate –
serve them
d)
Pray for your mate.
Pray FOR their needs, and for their softness not towards YOU and your needs, but
towards GOD
2)
Those four things,
if you would be man or women enough to do, would allow God to rebuild your
relationship – stronger, better, longer lasting than it ever could otherwise!
e.
Last Step is an Easy
Step! Finally, Cling to your mate.
D.
You find all this
impossible? Not if you have the Lamb of God in your life! But He only enters by
invitation! Will you invite Jesus to be the Saviour of your soul, the forgiver
of all your sins, and the builder of your home and marriage?