Taking a Good Look at
God’s Blueprint for a Blessed Home
Ephesians 5:21-33
Pastor
Craig Ledbetter
18 July,
2010 AM
I.
Introduction (Psalm 127:1-5)
A.
This
month, I am laying out God’s plan for the Christian home.
B.
God’s
plan is different than anything you have ever seen before!
C.
It’s
not only the best plan, it is the ONLY plan that works! Everything else that our
modern world has come up with is a joke!
1.
We all
need to know God’s design for a family, inside and out, and just follow that
plan – it’s called FAITH!
2.
When we
don’t follow it, we are mocking God – and believe me, God is not mocked! It will
be YOU weeping, and wailing, and broken, when your world falls apart because you
thought you knew better than God!
D.
Instead, like Psalm 127 says, Get GOD to build your home! Let Him build or
REBUILD your home
E.
Don’t
be afraid, or discouraged! Please don’t feel that I am preaching to crush anyone
here. Don’t let the things said discourage you. Let the words of this Book, and
the encouragement of this preacher be the rally cry for you to get back onto the
narrow way, and live the Christian life – both outside of the home, and more
importantly INSIDE!
F.
Some of
these truths are going to seem contradictory, but when taken together, they make
a HOME!
II.
Review
- Fulfilling The
Function of a Wife
(5:25-33)
A.
Key
words: Submission and Respect
B.
If a
woman is married, and claims to be a born again child of God, she is to be
subject unto her husband in the same way that the Church is yielded to Christ.
That’s Bible!
1.
Most
churches today wouldn’t touch what I am about to preach with a ten foot pole. I
wonder why?
2.
From
what I can see, the general body of believers are NOT subject unto Christ – 99%
of all Christians simply are doing their own thing!
3.
The
same is true in Christian homes! Most Christian wives are not subject unto their
own husbands. No way!
4.
According to that Book in your hands, God places a man in the life of a woman,
and asks her to love him and submit to him as she would to Jesus!
C.
What
Does a Husband Need?
1.
Most men need respect more than love.
a.
Look
at verse 23 – “the husband is the head of the wife”
b.
Now
look at verse 33, “the wife see that she reverence her husband”
c.
God’s commands to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:33 reflects each one’s
deepest needs: “every one of you in particular so love his wife even as
himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
d.
Reverence (5:33) is a lonely word today!
e.
These Scriptures commands a husband to love his wife. Why? Because she needs
love like she needs air to breathe.
f.
This
same verse commands a wife to respect her husband. Why? Because he needs respect
like he needs air to breathe.
2.
Respect means: To value,
to esteem of great worth, to give your attention to, to honour your husband
above yourself – BOY THAT IS ANTI-TODAY!
3.
I
gave you plenty of Examples of Submission and Respect by a wife
III.
Main Message – Part 2 – The
Responsibility of the Husband
A.
The Main Responsibility of a Husband
(5:25-32) – Love
1.
Many
husbands simply refuse to take their God-ordained place – they refuse to be home
anymore, to take part in raising the children, or to love and nurture their
wives.
a.
Maybe they don’t feel welcome at home.
b.
Maybe they don’t feel loved at home, but that doesn’t matter!
c.
Many
don’t care about their home – they are too proud to be thinking about their
wife, or their kids (Hab 2:5)
d.
Gentlemen! You are the head of your home… take the lead! Wisely, steadily.
e.
And
take it as the lover of your home!
f.
ILLUSTRATION: The family are in a car travelling 120km/hour down the motorway.
God put the wheel in your hands, and expects you to have a very good grip on it.
He put YOU in charge of the break and the accelerator! Become responsible!
2.
We
may be tempted to think the calling of the husband is to "Rule your wife."
a.
Over
and over the Bible calls women to submit to their husbands. It would seem, then,
that the husband's calling is, "Rule." But this is not the case.
b.
But
the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives." So the husband who is always
telling his wife, "Submit, submit, submit" is a foolish husband. He does not
know how to be the head of the wife because he does not know how to love her.
God's Word says, "Love your wife. This is how you rule her."
3.
The
Cross is the great pattern for our marriages.
a.
Let's not forget the comparison that the Bible makes between the husband/wife
relationship and the Christ/Church relationship. So the question becomes, "How
does Christ rule the church?" The answer is, "By the sweet, pressure of His
grace, through His Word and His Holy Spirit." That is, by love! (Psalm 110:3)
b.
The
idea of "love" has been so defiled that we hardly know what it means anymore.
Sometimes we think that love is something that "gets you," or that you "fall
into" and "fall out of," or that it is simply "animal passion" that you act out
on somebody’s body!
c.
The
Bible says, "God is love." And that "love is of God" (1
1)
God's love is His almighty arms embracing, binding, and holding us to Himself
through His Son Jesus.
2)
Between a man and a woman there is no real love if they do not love in Christ.
3)
There may be concern, passion, even a desire for the other's good; but there is
no love.
4)
For
husbands, the Word of God says this: "Exercise towards your wife an thoughtful,
purposeful affection, that joyfully wills and seeks her spiritual good, even at
a great cost to you.” Isn’t this the love of God's Son for you? It is also the
love you must have towards your wife!
4.
In
Islam, women who do not obey their husbands should be beaten; end of story.
a.
"Good women are obedient.... As for those from whom you fear disobedience,
admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you,
take no further action against them." (Koran 4:34)
b.
Not
so with Jesus! Eph 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
c.
Love
them, no matter what they do to you! What a COMMAND!
B.
How to Love Your Wife
Comparing our love with
Christ's, we may say that the characteristics of a husband's love must be:
1.
Sacrificially - With Sacrificial
Love (Eph 5:25; Gen 2:24)
a.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it."
1)
This
is the gospel: The Son of God gave Himself, even to death, to bear the burden of
His bride’s punishment, so that she might live. That’s love!
b.
Love
is a lot of things: It is a feeling, a choice, a way of thinking, an attitude,
an act
c.
But
mostly, love is a sacrifice – a trade – it costs you
1)
A
married man needs to be always willing to lose the following things in order to
build his home…
a)
His
childishness – time to grow up – put away childish things (like his dependency
upon his family, the government, his buddies, etc). And your seeking of only
pleasures
b)
His
livelihood – real love will cause a man to forfeit even the throne in order to
obtain that one whom he now loves!
c)
Your
pride and ego!
d)
His
life itself – Love begins not with getting, but giving, and that act of giving
only naturally extends to trading your own life so that the one you love
continues on
2)
Gentlemen, You married your wife because you loved her. But from this day
forward you must love your wife because you married her! Do you understand that?
Love means sacrifice.
d.
Are
you MAN ENOUGH to sacrifice some things to save your home!
2.
Satisfied - With Satisfied Love
(Prov 5:19,20).
a.
Gentlemen, I don’t know what you were like before you got married, but your eyes
belong ONLY on your wife, and your thoughts ONLY about her, and your love is
ONLY “FOR” her!
b.
Your
wife needs to know you ARE satisfied, blessed, thankful for who she is. It is a
CHOICE you make not a feeling you follow! Are you MAN enough to make that choice
today?
c.
If
your wife “does not please you” then realise that God will NOT forget you and
leave you to your own devices, but will with trials, forge the two of you into a
blessed home, if you will just trust Him, and let him work on you!
d.
Gentlemen, remember that Solomon was NEVER satisfied (1Kgs 11:1-4)!
e.
Are
you MAN ENOUGH to stay satisfied?!
3.
Steady Love (1Peter 3:7)
– DWELL WITH HER
a.
An
error every husband may fall into is to think that he loves his wife because he
provides well for her, but is rarely home with her. He thinks that because he
gives her money, a car, a holiday, that he is loving her! No!
b.
Steady love is Unconditional.
1)
Christ's love for the Church was not based on some foreseen goodness, nor does
it depend on a loveliness that She can present to Him on Her own.
2)
Christ's love was and is unconditional (See Ezekiel 16).
3)
It
means that the husband, after marriage, may never say, "She is not lovely
anymore; I will not love her."
c.
Steady love is Patient love
1)
Usually, it means you will be doing a lot of patient waiting on your wife – to
get ready, to get dressed, to get packed, to come out of the shops, etc!
2)
But
it means more about being full of faith, trusting that the Lord will change your
wife! You want your wife to let God change YOU!
d.
Steady love is Close Love.
1)
Love
sits close to and dwells with the wife. 1 Peter 3:7 calls husbands to dwell with
their wives. Christ comes close to His Bride. He speaks to us, often. He loves
us! He dwells in us! He sticks with us!
2)
Every married couple in this room needs to act like there are married! The world
has it reversed! All the teens act like they are in love while the married
couples act like they are in court!
e.
The
way you loved your wife at the first must remain the way you love her now! The
way you loved her then is what attracted her to you in the first place!
f.
Are
you man enough to get back to the way you used to love, and stay that way?!
4.
Strong Love – Masculine
(Eph 1:22;,23; Gen 3:16;
a.
Your
wife needs to know she married a MAN
b.
So
be a MAN! Like Jesus was! She may not like it at first, but she will respect it
when it is done with the right spirit, and when you act like Jesus who is
pattern!
c.
There is never a time to be a tyrant (1Peter 5:2,3)
d.
But
there is a time to be sharp and final (2Cor 13:10; 10:8)
e.
And,
there is always time to be the leader in your home (Tit 1:12,13; 1Tim 3:4,5,12)
f.
Are
you MAN ENOUGH to be the Man in the home, or are you willing to let your wife be
the man instead?
5.
Sensitive Love (Ephesians 5:25-29)
– TENDER
a.
Ephesians 5:29 teaches the husband to "cherish" his wife. The love of Christ for
the church is a tender, gentle, love.
b.
We
have been given a GIFT!
1)
If
we men can just grasp the great gift that we have been given in our wives, it
will go a long way toward understanding how God desires us to relate to our
wives. It doesn't take the average man much time to understand and appreciate
the wonderful, beautiful characteristics that God has created a woman with.
Truly, He created woman to be beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside.
2)
Children are a priceless gift! Your wife is more priceless!
3)
Pro
18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the
LORD.
4)
So,
when we find a wife, we have obtained favour (blessing) from God. We have been
blessed with a priceless gift from above. We need to appreciate the gift God
gave us.
5)
Nothing is spoken of a perfect wife without fault. They don’t exist! The fact
that we have a wife is a blessing in and of itself. God’s desire is that we
enjoy our wives and be blessed with what He has given (Ecclesiastes 9:9;
Proverbs 5:18)
c.
Your
wife IS a woman! Treat her as one! Not as another “guy!”
d.
So,
Give Her Honour
1)
Love
her as much as you love yourself. Start THERE!
2)
The
goal is to treat her as BETTER than yourself (1Pet 3:7) – Truly honour her!
3)
"Charity seeketh not her own" (1 Corinthians 13). This points out the difference
between love and lust.
4)
Too often, a man's wife is the
object of dishonour in the form of jokes, loud public rebukes and complaint
sessions between men and men. It is time that we give our wives the honour that
they should receive. 1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,
and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.”
5)
Sometimes husbands complain about "unfeminine" wives. I understand. They don’t
make women like they used to! But let me ask you… Husbands, "Are you tender with
your wife anyway?" Do you treat her with honour? Do you treat her not as a
“buddy” but as a weaker vessel?
e.
Love
Without Bitterness (
1)
Be
quick to forgive, ready to forgive (
2)
Love
her even though she bucks you and argues with you and resists your leadership
and doesn’t honour and respect you! God does NOT give you permission to start to
hate being around your wife, and despise the woman you married anymore than He
would give permission for your wife to hate you and become bitter against YOU!
3)
See
1Peter 2:21-23! Wow! What are YOUR marital fights like? You better start
fighting like Christ!!! What if instead of Jesus
loving us, He was bitter toward us? We know it isn't this way, therefore let us
not be this way toward our wives!
f.
Love
with Loving kindness (Ps 36:7; 117:2; 63:3), gentleness, not roughness!
g.
Love, Washing, and cleansing your wife’s conscience (Eph 5:25-27) – never
scarring or marring them with your words, and your selfishness!
h.
Are
you MAN ENOUGH to love her as a WOMAN?
6.
Serious Love (Eph 5:29)
- NURTURING.
a.
To
nurture is to feed, nourish, nurse, instruct, tend to like a farmer does his
fields!
1)
If
there is true love in the husband's heart, he will want his wife to be growing,
maturing, along with him!
2)
She
is "his own flesh" and no man ever yet hated his own flesh, "but nourisheth it
and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church" (Ephesians 5:29). A man normally
wants to grow up, and mature, succeed, and obtain more! If you are married, you
should want the same for your wife
3)
Yes,
he will care for her physically – providing food, money, house, car, clothes,
holidays
4)
But
he will provide for her spiritually too.
a)
He
will have the greatest concern for her relationship to God!
b)
Whether she is reading her Bible and growing in her own walk with God!
b.
Have
conscious goals in your marriage. Not just for yourself!
1)
The
purpose of the love of Christ for the church is the church's perfection. He
said, as it were, "I will perfect my church. I will give myself for Her so that
She may be cleansed, separated from the world, consecrated to God."
2)
Christ did that by His death on the cross, and now does it by "His Spirit and
Word" (Ephesians 5:26). The husband's goal for his wife will be her holiness,
her purity, a close relationship to her God!
c.
This
is accomplished by the Word of God in your home, and between the two of you.
1)
Husbands, comfort and encourage your wives, by the Word – do you always
complain, or do you encourage her with your words?
2)
Teach and instruct them, by the Word. Does she ever learn things, or do you only
expect things from her! It sure would be “MANLY” of you to sit down and TALK
about the conflicts and listen to her side! She might just listen to your side
too!
3)
Challenge them to holiness, with the Word! Let her know how important it is to
you for her to have a walk with God, and then HELP her have that time with God!
4)
Guide and direct your wife by the Word. Learn this book so that you have right
answers (1Cor 14:34,35). Quit leaving spirituality to your pastor and to church
time only!
d.
In
this way, the husband is the spiritual leader in the home.
1)
Do
you see to it that the Word of God is read in the home, regularly?
2)
Do
you see to it that prayer is offered often?
3)
Do
you ensure that their wife learns to pray?
4)
Do
you pray with your wife?
e.
Husbands, THIS - this beautifies your wife! This will make her more appealing to
you! This is the adornment that is of great price in the sight of God (1 Peter
3:4).
1)
Most
women have not been taught how to be of a meek and quiet spirit, so now once you
are married it is up to you to help her!
2)
Ladies, allow your husbands to make you more beautiful, by crucifying the flesh
that wants to argue and fight, and yield to your husband’s nurturing!
f.
Are
you MAN ENOUGH to love her for her betterment, or only YOURS?
7.
Spirit-Filled Love
a.
you
will fail to love your wife like she needs, unless you are filled, and I mean
FILLED with God’s Holy Spirit
b.
(Eph
5:18; Gal 5:22-25)
c.
Are
you MAN ENOUGH to spend sufficient time with God every morning so that you act
and react as an holy spirit filled husband, or will you remain a demon possessed
husband?
8.
Secondary Love (Luke
14:26,27; 1Cor 11:3) - the most important truth!
a.
Are you man enough to put Jesus Christ and His word first in your life – even
above your children, and your wife, and your own life?
b.
THEN you will be able to love your wife and your children the best!
IV.
Conclusion
A.
Folks,
just as Christ loved the church, SO OUGHT WE MEN TO LOVE OUR WIVES (Eph 5:33)
1.
We
desired to marry - amen! That was easy!
2.
We
sacrificed much to obtain them! Ok, so that got a little harder
3.
We need
to continue the act of love
a.
It
ought to be a delight and pleasure to be with our wives
b.
Showing
respect and giving the highest honour to them
c.
Seeking
their satisfaction – to a limit though
d.
Providing all necessary things for them
e.
Concealing their faults – not always pointing them out
f.
Promoting their spiritual growth - not hindering it
g.
Our
love should be shown in private as well as public ***
h.
It
should exceed all other love towards neighbours, friends, church members, and
the family
i.
It
should be equal to that shown to ourselves
4.
Summarized in three ways:
a.
Protecting our wives physically, emotionally, and spiritually
b.
Cleansing our wives – get them in the Bible with you, have family devotions in
the Bible, and BE IN CHURCH and Bible Study
c.
Presenting our wives to the Lord, to our children, and to the world!
5.
One
last thought gentlemen: Our wives ought to be more beautiful, and more perfect
every day of every year of our marriage because of us, instead of in spite
of us! That’s loving our wives!
B.
Husbands, how do we fare?
Wives… how are we doing? If your wife were allowed to speak freely, and express
how she thinks about our “love”, what would she say?
1.
Is
our love a selfless love, an understanding love, a gentle love?
2.
Is
our goal a holy wife, nurtured up in the knowledge of God and comfort of Jesus
Christ?
3.
When
we measure ourselves up to the standard of Christ, we are weak, poor, husbands.
Yet that is the standard. "Love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and
gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).
4.
Can
you do anything but confess, "God, I am a sinful husband: be merciful to me and
help me"?
C.
The
possibility of being a good husband is only through obedient faith in Jesus
Christ. Looking to Christ, the husband of the Church, and trusting in His work
on the cross, is our salvation for all our failures as husbands, for all our
miserable dealings with our wives.
D.
The
bottom line is this.
1.
We
each have individual responsibilities in marriage.
2.
Why
do we wait on the other, before we are willing to step out in obedience, and
wait on God to work change in the other mate?
3.
That
is the issue, in all troubled marriages.
4.
Husband, will you "love" sacrificially, or show "bitterness?" Which will it be
for you?
Craig Ledbetter | Pastor |